I really enjoy cleaning.
I use to be scared medication would change me into someone I’m not. The truth is, I haven’t felt more like myself than I do right now.
Ugh, I’m so siiiiiick.
I entered week six of Effexor today. Yesterday and today I woke up motivated and didn’t fear the day or feel hopeless. Under my skin still feels like electric currents of energy are flowing through. It was enough to keep me awake and motivate me to get things done, yet it didn’t make me feel like I was on crazy manic mode. The discconect I normally feel for Claire went way down. My brain fog and memory issues weren’t as much of a bother for me. Still some slight paranoia and I’m still getting irritated easily, but its not as bad as it was. I want to feel hopeful that the medication and my brain are finally starting to work together, but a small part of me asks, ‘what if this is just one of those random good days and tomorrow I slip right back down into the hole?’ I’m trying to remain hopeful that the change around they said would happen between week six and eight is now happening. Whatever. I’m exhausted. Time for bed.
Woke up in a great mood.
Let’s see how long it lasts. I need coffee.
I think my child finally fell asleep. I like getting out of town but Claire does not sleep well unless she’s in her crib.
Normal? Claire has been sleeping through the night since five months and I didn’t do the cry it out method. I’m just one of those rare parents who has a child who enjoys sleep and enjoys it best in her own bed.
I’m not ashamed anymore.
My name is Samantha, and I have PPD. Yes I have more bad days then good, but I don’t give up. I am not a bad mom, and I am not a bad person. I have accepted what life has handed me and I know now that it isn’t my fault. I know I’m far from my goal, but I’m getting there a little each day. I may get set backs from time to time, but I still wake up in the morning with a positive attitude and a desire to try again. PPD is making me stronger than I thought I could ever be. I’m grateful for the bad days because it makes me appreciate the good days and life so much more.